Bizarre-o Tori Amos covers album

Love her or hate her, the new Tori album, Strange Little Girls, is due out in a bit over a month and will no doubt leave her traditional league of adolescent aural roleplayers shaking their collective fatty cakeholes about her “not really Kate Bush-esque brillance” until we can bribe them to shut up about their feelings and emotions with the promise of Tim-Tams, lard and pretzels shaped to resemble little love-hearts.

But whether you like her or not, the material on the new album may spark a few of your collective interests.

It’s a covers album.

Brace yourself:

1. New Age – The Velvet Underground
2. ’97 Bonnie & Clyde – Eminem
3. Strange Little Girl – The Stranglers
4. Enjoy The Silence – Depeche Mode
5. Rattlesnakes – Lloyd Cole & The Commotions
6. I’m Not In Love – 10cc
7. Time – Tom Waits
8. Heart Of Gold – Neil Young
9. I Don’t Like Mondays – The Boomtown Rats
10. Happiness Is A Warm Gun – The Beatles
11. Reign In Blood – Slayer
12. Real Men – Joe Jackson

MP3s are already starting to pop up from the promo of the album.

Her version of Eminem’s “’97 Bonnie & Clyde” is pretty amazing even on the first few listens – this is quite a remarkable song in its own right, and a very peculiar cover. Spooky, arrogant and very very pretty. Philip Glass on quaaludes writing the soundtrack for Lars Von Trier’s remake of I Know What You Did Last Summer.

The Stranglers’ “Strange Little Girl” … well, its a single, really, isn’t it? Nice. Digestable. A bit of an insult to the original in its lack of vibrancy, but hey. The tubby no-life young ‘uns that make up the Tori Amos online community are all ooing and ahhhing at comparisons to Madonna’s “Beautiful Stranger”. Figures. This one will be a great first single and appeal to people with no desire for anything but lo-fat pop-rock.

If not ‘good’ as such, this could be a very funny album.

Update: Hello, world!

27 thoughts on “Bizarre-o Tori Amos covers album

  1. it’s a fairly ordinary bunch of songs, apart from ‘reign in blood’ (humorous), ‘real men’ (ironic) and ‘rattlesnakes’ (humorous and ironic).

    i doubt the passive-aggressive types will find much inspiration in this collection.

  2. I think it’s official: Slayer are the old-school metal group it’s OK to like. Nay, cool to like. Pity about their politics…

  3. The comment of Tori’s fans ooing and ahhhing at the cover of Stange Little Girls is far off. The music of Tori Amos is far deeper than that of Boy Bands, Madonna (still love her), Britney Spears etc. etc. Some fans were worried about Stange Little Girl sounding too much like a plain old pop song, very few fans of Tori’s would find happiness in Madonna like comparisons. The end realization is that the first single released on Tori’s past albums are often those that are most radio friendly. Knowing that the rest of the CD is going to be filled with much artistic expression is quite satisfying. After I saw Tori’s video for Stange Little Girl I had much more appreciation for the song. Note: I use the Tori Amos Dent web site, I am in amazing shape, and have quite a fantasic life.

  4. i think that the opening paragraph was composed in an effort to instigate a rapid and heated response from fans of this musician. that is a very puerile attempt to gain attention to your review, which falls quite flat in its own right. in the future, please refrain from using vapid, presumptuous claims whose sole intent is to draw away from your tremendous lack of talent as a writer. perhaps the next time you attempt to give an opinion of an artist’s work, using a thesaurus and drawing from whatever diminishing talent you have may actually earn you something that most people cherish much more than attention…respect.

  5. Well done! And probably a wee bit more charitable than I would have been. Wouldn’t worry too much about them gearing up to do battle with you, they’re too busy eating one another alive over whether AP’s article talking to Ms. Amos proves she’s more promotion than substance. Although she has insulted those of us who have lived through an actual raped by admitting she wasn’t raped but she calls it rape to maintain the “Myth of Tori Amos.” Lo-fat pop rock, right on the head. Fun, but all flash, no dash. Thanks for the honesty.

  6. miss alex u blow goats for a living because how would u know how tubby we are.
    and im not oooooing
    i dont like b&c
    but if u dont like the rest of the album it just proves ur into nsync and shes not cool enough for you and shove that kate bush up your crusty rectum loser

  7. Nice name Ms. Fetish…are you a closet Tori-phile? Anyway – last time I checked rape comes in all shapes and forms…whether it be by a gun, penetrated, with a knife not penetrated or being pinned down by a woman and felt up. Why do you (and the rest of the world) insist on keeping rape to the basest level – of where the man’s penis is and what its doing. If you are one of ‘those of use who have lived through an actual rape’ you should understand that there are all different kinds.

  8. Closet Toriphile? Call me an ex-Toriphile. I’ve been used by RAINN enough to promote Tori’s goods. It’s refreshing to see this interviewer have the guts to say what they honestly feel about an album instead of buying the hype. So I was wrong, they do have time to come up for air and pick on those who descent from their opinions. I still believe this is an excellent review of the album.

    Off topic, Love: Spend some time as a crisis volunteer, you’ll understand why being misled is hurtful. There’s a reason there are seperate groups for the rape survivors and the mugging survivors. Please do not inflict your low self-esteem on me.

  9. That’s fine if the reviewer doesn’t like Tori’s new album. To each their own – I wasn’t taking issue with them. I was taking issue with you.

    And FYI – I have survived it, I have supported RAINN, I know that Tori’s experience isn’t what the narrow-minded construe as ‘real’ rape. (Because God knows someone lying on top of you with a knife to your throat and his bulging cock on your leg definitely doesn’t ‘qualify’.) I also know that without her effort there wouldn’t be a national hotline or the heightened awareness of sex crimes.

    I don’t have low self-esteem nor do I need Tori to survive. Her music and RAINN helped me a great deal and didn’t take advantage of me.

    You should probably go back and get some help for what ever it is you are still suffering from because you’re blaming all the wrong people for your pain.

  10. Personally, I don’t give a shit whether “Miss Alex” liked the album or not–its the way she stereotypes all tori amos’ fans that pisses me off. If her comments would have actually been *funny*, it would have been a diffrent story.
    I hope that she doesn’t try to aspire to anything higher than writing articles for petty websites…that is, once she graduates from the 3rd grade

  11. Hi Miss Alex,
    I hope that I never see you in person because I would have a strong urge to shove my 800 pakages of “Tim-Tams, lard and pretzels shaped to resemble little love-hearts” up your ass.
    Thank You.

  12. I concur. This is a funny album, so it is fun to listen to. Reminds me of Pat Boone’s schtik. I think the Madonna-esque “characters” are a riot. The quality of the songs range from clever to poor, but all sound rushed, not unlike Amos’ previous double album. Your review is quite on the money. The core of her adolescent angst brigade are only going to be able to get into this one is they swallow the (marketing) concept whole. The bulk of her fans, those who can take her or leave her (i.e., the stable ones), will get a laugh out of this for what it is, a silly album of covers.

    Rabid Amos fans like to believe that everyone either loves Amos or hates her, but it seems to me that most people who like her are casual fans who like it when she pops up on their local adult contemporary station now and again, but know better than to believe she’s anything grander than the next iteration of Kate Bush. This album should amuse and entertain them for a good while.

    Thanks for your honest review.

  13. The closed-minded person believes that whatever does not strike his or her fancy is shit. He/she cannot reconcile grey into his/her black and white world. He/she ignorantly and arrogantly becomes the self-proclaimed god of all things worthy.

    This type is quick to make generalizations (e.g. The Tori online community is comprised of tubby young ‘uns. It might shock you to know that the author of this post is a slim 125 lbs. and no adolsecent at the ripe ol’ age of 35; she is also an frequent contributor of the Dent forumz ~

    Way to go, Tori. The more they bitch, the bigger statement you’ve made :)

  14. I know that Tori Amos fans are a "league of adolescent aural roleplayers shaking their collective fatty cakeholes about her "not really Kate Bush-esque brillance", so it’s clear that I don’t exist – in the opinion of the 12-year-old who wrote this review.

    However, as a 54-year-old male (tall, not at all overweight, and even thoroughly heterosexual!) it’s my opinion that not only has Tori far surpassed Kate Bush’s work with her previous albums (and I’ve been a Kate Bush fan from the beginning), the covers and re-interpretations on this new CD are brilliantly done and deserve to be heard by EVERYONE – heard until they’re thoroughly familiar and fully impressed upon the generally juvenile and musically virginal/ignorant ears of the average American listener. Hey, it’s a covers album, but that average listener can’t handle much more than that anyway until they hear some good music for awhile.

    It’s time to put down the bland Britney look-alike flavored/recycled bathwater and set aside the Madonna pablum. Listen to some serious work. Dancers don’t make great music. Tori does. It won’t hurt a bit. It sounds great.

    The comments regarding ’97 Bonnie and Clyde are somewhat correct. It is amazing. She didn’t like the original. She changed it completely without altering any of the lyric content. It belongs to her now.

    As for the rest of the CD, the track Strange Little Girl is digestible. It’s pretty damn good, too. In my opinion it’s the weakest song on the album but that’s why it’s the first single. The poor little uneducated music heads out there in popland need something weak to avoid giving them a shock too great for their little systems to handle. They’ve been listening to Madonna and her Britney-style acolytes for a long time now, after all.

    Oh, and the review, if not ‘good’ as such, was quite unintentionally funny, I can assure you. Next time though, perhaps you can include something of intelligence and accuracy while failing to be intentionally humorous.

  15. >i think that the opening paragraph was composed >in an effort to instigate a rapid and heated >response from fans of this musician. that is a >very puerile attempt to gain attention to your >review, which falls quite flat in its own right.

    Could it be perhaps, that the opening paragraph, Maybe, Just might, perhaps, or, the Good gods of music, (which I might add, have frowned upon Tori Amos ) be an honest opinion?
    Could it be, that someone out there might think that Tori Amos is..well..Crap?
    That her albums could be likened to that of a cat on heat standing on the neighbourhood collection of trashcans wailing tunelessly in an endless search for a mate?

    Might it possibly be that the first paragraph, those few words strung together in a sentence which not only elicited a reaction, might be an honest representation of Tori Amos fans the world over?
    Vapid? Perhaps.
    Presumptuous?, Perhaps. But then again, thats how I find most Tori Fans.
    Tremendous lack of talent as a writer? I think Not. It got a reaction out of you didnt it?
    You and quite a few others from the long list I see here.
    Of course, If one is judging the success of a given written piece by the reaction it receives, by its popularity, then the review might be judged as a bad one.
    However, last time I checked, The aim of any written piece, review, fiction or otherwise is to pass across a certain point. Its certainly managed that. Of course..that was last time I checked.

    Respect? What about respect for others opinions?
    Is someone else’s differing opinions so unimportant to you that you feel the need to insult them so? Is the repect that you crave, so valuable that you need to abuse others to gain it?
    If you object to an opinion, try refuting it.
    Attacking the reviewers abilites is a sure way to sink yourself not only down to their level, but far beyond.
    Wheres the repect in that?

  16. And this, boys and girls, is exactly the kind of witty repartee we like to see.

    Thank you, ‘james’, for enhancing the toriotype so nicely =)

  17. Ahh, the sweet narcotic cooooh of honey-roasted ham slapping ceremoniously against illiterate grey matter.

    Now, James, m’boy, if indeed that is your real name – I quite fancy the more brutish Gazza myself…

    I would rather be tied up (and not in that cellophane-covered, pirate-pumping way, you silly illiterate bint) and be aurally exposed to ten hours of Nysync, than have to endure five minutes with your precious kooky Tori and her precious kooky bare-footed tripe.

    Furthermore, the illustrious Miss Alex may well suckle at well-hung pre-lubed goats’ testes “for a living” if she chooses, just as you may well choose to insert ferrets into your own “crusty rectum” in your own delightfully stimulating realm of employment in Fatty Redneck Land, but those noble creatures are being privileged with a benevolent charity – a service that your lead-paint-tainted, “mmm, that feels nice”-esque, Barney Fife of a brain cannot possibly conceive of.

    Do not mock the goats that Miss Alex allegedly blows, for the goats take care of their own. They will come for you, James, and demand that you too have a go at their monstrous goatish sacs.

  18. Actually, I suspect the review was just added on the end. The real point of the piece was a recovery-inducing rant concerning the Lunatic Nut-Cult of Tori. Particularly as it inspired them to prove every word correct. As such, it’s pure Rocknerd and absolutely the right thing for this site.

  19. I think the original review was right on the money. It is obvious that Tori Amos does not have any talent, but it is at least a good thing that the stranglers will make some well-deserved money off of this abomination.

  20. Great review . . . I just hope that the Stranglers make some cash off of this garbage. I think that they probably are laughing at the poor quality of the cover and the heavy-handed posing of its ham-throated singer, but they really do deserve the money.

  21. Personally, I like this cd. There’s always going to be those critics out there to put someone down. Screw them. If you like her music more power to you, if you don’t oh well. I think Tori is really talented. She’s strange yet that makes her beautiful. I find her music comforting. So that’s my $.50

  22. hey, ms. reviewer!
    i think youre so petty and immature for your crummy review of the tori amos covers album!

    the music means SO much to me!
    so screw you, you arsewit. you’re a stupid.

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