If bands were dates.

From Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content: If bands were dates.

  • Isis would be that girl who was amazing in bed until she started insisting on listening to nothing but Tool while you banged
  • Explosions in the Sky would be that girl who’s great in bed, sure, but it’s EXACTLY THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER FOREVER
  • Future of the Left would just donkeypunch you and then post video of it on the internet
  • Sepultura would be a guy who completely ignores all erogenous zones other than the vag because they “get in the way”
  • Coheed & Cambria would be a guy who you initially wanna fuck but he keeps you up all night talking about HIS FEELINGS instead

Update: And more.

One thought on “If bands were dates.

  1. Mayhem is the arsehole who sits in a club looking impressive, glowering and posing but hasn’t had much of anything to say for years.

    Darkthrone is his mate who used to be a hip poser but is now just as at home at the local pub with the bogans as he is with his old mates.

    Cradle Of Filth is the loud, popular dude who dresses like a poof and acts like a bogan that all the chicks love but you know yourself is a dud root. You hang around the bar in a group of all the other girls who know the same thing, sneering and gossiping. … See More

    Leviathan is the weird looking guy who you’re not quite sure about but you find out, without any prompting from you friends, is actually great in bed.

    Blut Aus Nord is the guy who you can see is into totally kinky shit but you don’t realise how kinky until you’re back at his place. You’ll have a great story for your mates afterwards.

    Anaal Nathrakh is the really loud, out-of-control guy who gets arrested early in the evening but somehow manages to get back to the party with an amazing story that you don’t want to believe but for some reason do.

    Electric Wizard the the cool, stoner dude everyone can’t help but dig but at the back of your mind you can’t help but think he’s starting to repeat himself just a bit too much.

    And all the underground BM groups who just release limited tapes are the young kids who can’t get into the club and never get invited to the party so they hang around the park, drink cheap goon and imagine themselves having a better time than you.

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