The completely recyclable LP record.

November 7th, 2013 by David Gerard

And if her 3D-printed records made of petrochemicals are too icky and modern, Amanda Ghassaei has followed up with a wooden record. Cut with a laser. The resolution is slightly better (1200dpi instead of 600dpi) but it still sounds like a late-night AM radio station hundreds of miles away, and that’s the important thing. That and being able to set on fire much more easily if it sucks. Full how-to. (Hat-tip to Ian Wadley.)

Problemem muzyki nie jest piractwo, a sama ekonomia życia kulturalnego.

November 5th, 2013 by David Gerard

The hit ramble Culture is not about aesthetics. Punk rock is now enforced by law is now available in Polish, translated by Kuba Danecki, on the copyright reform blog Co nas uwiera w prawie autorskim (“What’s bugging us in copyright”). Cheers!

Do the ostrich.

November 2nd, 2013 by David Gerard

Hat-tip Lawrence Miles. “I still prefer to remember him this way.”

lou reed in bird suit

From “Modern Dance” from Ecstasy.

Do-it-yourself payola on Spotify.

October 31st, 2013 by David Gerard

In the olden days, you needed to bribe DJs or just buy a bootload of copies of your record yourself. These days, you can rent $30 worth of time on Amazon and make $1000 in royalties, as security researcher Peter Fillmore did with his album Kim Jong Christmas, mashed together from public domain audio. Spotify lacks automatic detection of click fraud, relying on listener reports; this offers the possibility of DDOSing your competitor off the chart for $30 of computer time and then reporting them.

Black MIDI is not as cool as it sounds, but is still pretty cool.

October 30th, 2013 by David Gerard

When presented with a new musical technology, the first question that occurs to a certain sort of mind is “what happens if I press all the buttons?” People used to do this with pianola rolls (particularly Conlon Nancarrow and his studies for player piano); now they do it with piano-sound synthesizers, controlled by hand-tweaked MIDI files. “Black” because that’s what the manuscript rendering looks like.

The current wave was started by kakakakaito1998 on YouTube; now it’s a scene. Unfortunately, much of what you hear in the result is artifacts of synthesis; it would be interesting to hear some of these on a physical player piano.

Update: Of course, some are not fans.

Blagger’s guide: Winny Puhh.

October 26th, 2013 by David Gerard

This video (warning: strobe lighting and cuts) is circulating in social media today tagged “what the fuck did I just watch?” It’s Estonian metal band Winny Puhh coming third in the local Eurovision final with “Meiecundimees üks Korsakov läks eile Lätti.” Here’s the take from the previous week, and here’s a slower, ten-minute version of the same song for a fashion parade. And they’re huge in Estonia. Of course.

A questionable timeline of the evolution of Western dance music.

October 21st, 2013 by David Gerard

Thomson Package Holidays have a blog in which they attempted to tell people about music. Despite having perpetuated the stuff myself, I find myself increasingly sceptical of anything that smacks of a narrative in describing the spread of music — musicians steal everything they possibly can from everywhere, and for every traceable influence there’s countless ambient factors that make the difference. And occasionally history actually acknowledges them. But the chart is a lovely piece of graphics with nice animation. The commenters get on their case, of course.

“Twitter had a music app?”

October 21st, 2013 by David Gerard

Is the universal refrain of those hearing that Twitter is killing its music app. I live on Twitter and I hadn’t heard of this thing. It was apparently a nice thing called We Are Hunted which they bought, crippled and just killed off.

A review of the DSM-5 as a dystopian novel.

October 20th, 2013 by David Gerard

Nothing to do with music, but this review of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition pushed my Ballard buttons. “If the novel has an overbearing literary influence, it’s undoubtedly Jorge Luis Borges. The American Psychiatric Association takes his technique of lifting quotes from or writing faux-serious reviews for entirely imagined books and pushes it to the limit: Here, we have an entire book, something that purports to be a kind of encyclopedia of madness, a Library of Babel for the mind, containing everything that can possibly be wrong with a human being. “

BandHub: The Internet recording studio.

October 9th, 2013 by David Gerard

Remember Res Rocket Surfer and Google Jam? This one is a new thing to collaborate with people over the Internet. (If you sell your soul to a Mac-only application.) Technical discussion (for computer geeks). If this doesn’t suck, expect a clone that won’t gouge you down the line.

DistroKid to get your music into the chart stores.

October 9th, 2013 by David Gerard

If you want to get your stuff onto the chart stores (iTunes, Amazon, Spotify and Google), you can spend a pile of cash (around $40/album) with TuneCore or CDBaby — or rather less cash ($20/year unlimited) with DistroKid. Endorsed by the founders of TuneCore and CDBaby, no less (the latter of whom just uploaded everything he’s ever recorded through DistroKid). The site, some technical details. Anyone here used it?

Beethoven’s 9th on Russian doll theremin.

September 30th, 2013 by David Gerard

From NPR: So here’s Beethoven’s 9th played on 167 theremins built inside Russian dolls. Oh, and wait for the boogie, about 1:20. HT Liam Proven.

Slashdot, ha! Reddit, however.

September 15th, 2013 by David Gerard

So Rocknerd’s latest article is a hit. Slashdot got it a few thousand hits, which my small but clever setup based on WP-Super-Cache coped with just fine.

Reddit is another matter: 20,000 35,000 and still going. (Update: Topped out around 58,000. Update: Make that 80,000.) The server CPU got hammered to shit, then it ran out of memory, then it ran out of CPU again but this time in wait state. Answer:

  1. Cut fcgid children from 10 to 7. This means Apache queues a bit, but now it doesn’t run out of memory.

  2. Hit the berserk button: put the page into “directly cached files”, i.e. serving that particular page completely static from Apache without even mod_rewrite. Means comments will show up when I remember to purge the cache by hand.

Comments are occasionally pretty good too. Slashdot, Reddit, Reddit. They keep talking about the majors and the rock stars, because people don’t care what you wrote and just riff on the title. Oh well.

(For non-technical readers: you almost certainly don’t want to run your own copy of WordPress, I’m just a control addict. Just have host it, you’ll be much happier.)

This is, of course, a perfect example of what I was describing: a huge hit with no monetisation. So GO BUY A T-SHIRT. We’re supposed to sell T-shirts to make money now, aren’t we. UK/Europe shop, US/international shop. The printing is impressively good quality and copes with washing just fine. SELL SELL SELL.

Culture is not about aesthetics. Punk rock is now enforced by law.

September 13th, 2013 by David Gerard

  (Also in Polish.)

Record companies complain the Internet will destroy music. Musicians complain that they can’t make a living any more. The unsympathetic public, feeling the squeeze themselves, tell them to get a proper job.

The problem isn’t piracy — it’s competition.

There is too much music and too many musicians, and the amateurs are often good enough for the public. This is healthy for culture, not so much for aesthetics, and shit for musicians. Musicians in the early ’90s were already feeling the pressure of competition from CD reissues of old stuff; here in the future, you can get almost anything that has ever been digitised for free and listener time is the precious commodity.

This article is not about the majors or rock stars, but about the indie musicians and labels watching the waterhole dry up and wondering what the hell happened.

Read the rest of this entry »

Five years of The Quietus.

September 11th, 2013 by David Gerard

John Doran of The Quietus reminsces about five years of running the site. “I drank so much coffee I felt like I could control the weather.” He’s plugging their book as well.

Talk to your children about their shitty taste in music.

September 8th, 2013 by David Gerard

The whiny emo brat subculture seems to have gotten into Nirvana big time. I cured the older teen of playing In Utero all day every day at a zillion decibels by complimenting her taste and mentioning how I got it when it came out and played it lots. Never heard it again. Job done.

But that’s good music listened to badly. (I did this with Joy Division in my youth.) What about the terrible, terrible shit? Lauren Modery at Hipstercrite addresses this increasingly pressing issue.

If my kids ask me why I’m so sensitive about this issue, I will tell them it’s because shitty music comes from people who have money and who constantly stroke each other’s big fat egos. I will tell them that, sadly, the art industries are run by people with neither style nor class, who care more for shock value that ultimately makes them more money.

The trouble is that when I examine my own taste as a teenage record nerd of discernment and consideration, way too much of that was actually inept bullshit too. Early ’80s second- and third-string Rough Trade indie, what the fuck.

Obscure post-punk good times on Wikipedia.

August 24th, 2013 by David Gerard

A small amount of fun this week writing up obscurities for Wikipedia: Operation Twilight (UK branch of Les Disques du Crépuscule) and Factory Benelux obscurities Nyam Nyam, plus assorted tweaks on other related articles. It keeps me off the streets. If anyone’s got their old printed sources to hand, those would be superlatively useful in bulking these up.

The function of music in the workplace.

August 20th, 2013 by David Gerard

The Quietus’ first interview with a Professor of Sociology of Work.

We spend 40-45 hours at work a week, but if you look at our key medium of popular culture – pop songs – they hardly reference work at all. You could come up with a list of twenty quite easily I’m sure, but they’re quite unusual: it’s a rarity for pop songs to reference work at all. I’m lucky enough to own all the singles released by Motown and there’s about two of them that reference it!

I’m quite glad that radios in the workplace have largely been replaced by headphones.

Also I really like the jangly guitar music used to promote touch screen technology with a mid-range price point.

August 7th, 2013 by David Gerard

Daily Mash: “THE unlimited availability of free music means that an album will not change how you see the world for more than a day.”

The Manual, Hollywood edition.

July 19th, 2013 by David Gerard

There is a Manual for film that sets out precisely what is to happen as closely as The Manual did for pop music. But The Manual didn’t have the destructive effects of Save The Cat by Blake Snyder.

Yet once you know the formula, the seams begin to show. Movies all start to seem the same, and many scenes start to feel forced and arbitrary, like screenplay Mad Libs. Why does Kirk get dressed down for irresponsibility by Admiral Pike early in Star Trek Into Darkness? Because someone had to deliver the theme to the main character. Why does Gina Carano’s sidekick character defect to the villain’s team for no reason whatsoever almost exactly three-quarters of the way through Fast & Furious 6? Because it’s the all-is-lost moment, so everything needs to be in shambles for the heroes. Why does Gerard Butler’s character in Olympus Has Fallen suddenly call his wife after a climactic failed White House assault three-quarters of the way through? Because the second act always ends with a quiet moment of reflection—the dark night of the soul.

Intro, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, middle-eight, chorus, chorus. Verse sixteen bars, others eight or sixteen bars. Now imagine that over two hours. That’s why this happens.

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.

July 15th, 2013 by David Gerard

Must be movie week at Rocknerd. So I was reminded of The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990), a thoroughly enjoyable piece of cheese starring an asshole. With bonus Robert Englund, being frightening without the makeup. Here’s the review from Party Fears #12 (1991), p25:


A movie, starring Andrew Dice Clay.

Andrew Dice Clay is best known for being a racist, sexist, homophobic arsehole under the guise of “comedian”. “Hey, guys, it’s only a joke!” I wasn’t going to see this until a friend told me of how (i) Fairlane (Dice Clay) hates Australia and Australians, especially koalas and INXS (“Ain’t that the sorta place they use to test nuclear weapons on?”) and (ii) in the end, he gets the girl, the money and the koala. So how could I resist.

Ford Fairlane is a Rock’n’Roll Detective, working in Los Angeles. (His car is an early ’60s red and white two-door Fairlane convertible — cue screams of car-lust.) The script contains no racism and only one passing queer joke, and the sexism actually does work as being “in character”, but he grows out of it a bit. He remains strongly anti-cretin, however, and still says “fuck” every second word.

The plot is merely a basic functional detective plot; not even an honest mystery plot, just a wide-screen action comic book, though fine for what it is. The setting, however, is truly marvellous. I implore any of you who have the misfortune of being in the music industry, or even having suffered the unpleasantness of brushing close by, to see the bloody thing. It gets the business at the top end precisely right — plastic, utterly fake, lifeless, contrived … the only way they could have got it wrong would be underdoing it. (Apart from Hendrix, the soundtrack fits too … aaargh!) I’m not saying it’s Spinal Tap, but it does more than well enough to deserve attention.

Really cool bits abound — the exploding television; Ford lighting his cigarette near the end (heh heh); the funeral and especially the coffin; the death of the DJ (hanging’s too good for ‘em!); the plastic pop star; the thugs looking like the Cult, or perhaps Fields of the Nephilim; the crook chewing up three compact discs …

Best of all, Andrew Dice Clay actually has a brain and a personality and could start making a decent living for himself.

(Now out on video and highly recommended.)

It won a near-sweep at the Razzies, but I maintain it wuz robbed. I’m rewatching it now and having a whale of a time. This movie is way more entertaining than it deserves to be. I recommend you track it down.

The movie was based on a series of short stories from ten years previously, which have just come out as a book. Throw some money at the author.

Nick Cave’s ridiculously over-the-top rejected script for Gladiator 2, for your reading pleasure.

July 12th, 2013 by David Gerard

Russell Crowe wanted a followup to Gladiator. So, of course, he called Nick Cave. ‘Cos that’s obviously the first thing you do.

So, he goes down to purgatory and is sent down by the gods, who are dying in heaven because there’s this one god, there’s this Christ character, down on Earth who is gaining popularity and so the many gods are dying so they send Gladiator back to kill Christ and his followers.

It was a stone cold masterpiece. I enjoyed writing it very much because I knew on every level that it was never going to get made. Let’s call it a popcorn dropper.

And, guess what? Here’s (purportedly) a copy. (And a spare.) (Hat-tip to Graham Freeman.)

How the B-movie industry works these days.

July 12th, 2013 by David Gerard

A look into Asylum, assembly-line producers of such instant classics as 2-Headed Shark Attack. This century, the market for B-movies is Netflix and the SyFy Channel: pursuing the long tail in a cost-effective manner.

Nostalgia’s another word for brain rot.

July 10th, 2013 by David Gerard

I dug through again and dredged up some more prime Rocknerd. TISM, the crippled CD database (remember when music came on CDs? Hah!), a play (that I remember nothing about), a gratuitous plug for some Spill bands, Clear Channel sucking, Jock Cheese, Icon of Coil and EBM in general. And recovered updates at the end of the quotes file.

And Miss Alex’s review of the Tori Amos covers album (and followup), made a classic by the Tori fans in the comments. This post reassured me I had in fact wasted my life.

Dogs In Space by the Quietus.

July 9th, 2013 by David Gerard

Someone outside Australia notices Dogs In Space, specifically Anthony Nield at the Quietus. And of course, you can get the soundtrack album for less than $499.

The bowl, the laserbat and how Schoenberg won the twentieth century.

July 5th, 2013 by David Gerard

The redoubtable Vi Hart produces a brilliant half-hour video on how Schoenberg‘s twelve-tone technique works, and a few examples that demonstrate just where half the background music of the twentieth century came from. Includes discourses on the nature of art, the nature of musical shapes and the reprehensibility of present copyright laws. You will enjoy this.

Reflections on Rowland S. Howard.

July 3rd, 2013 by David Gerard

Reflections on Rowland from Swamplandzine. I was one of those people going to every Rowland Howard gig I could in Melbourne in the late ’90s. He quickly learnt to hold a room with just a guitar. Also, he did in fact play “Shivers” … but only when absolutely no-one was expecting it. I have a Walkman tape somewhere. Hat-tip to the Rowland S. Howard Tribute Page.

Go read Equalizer.

June 21st, 2013 by David Gerard

I have no snappy phrase here, you should just go read shiny new music site Equalizer. Hat-tip to Andrew Bulhak, who brought it to my attention by getting Poed by it.

The Twinkle Variations.

May 23rd, 2013 by David Gerard

Scott Bradlee takes you through the history of recorded music, as expressed via “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”.

Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine, 11 May 2013

May 19th, 2013 by Lev Lafayette

In my much younger days, like many others with simultaneous libertarian and socialist convictions, a gravitation towards the political side of punk rock had a certain inevitability. On one side of the big pond The Clash and Crass were the big names in this particular genre, albeit with their own significant differences in style and in substance. On the other side, there was the Dead Kennedys, who performed with music that was hard, fast, and competent and lyrics that combined the insightful and absurd. As a result, the appearance their former lead (for goodness sake’s people, patch up those differences) as part of “Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine” was greeted some interest, although past experiences of The Corner as a venue (e.g., the Buzzcocks, the Sisters of Mercy) did lead to some potential of concerns of the sound quality.

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